“Anger is a tool,” said Frances Bowden Affandy (anthropologist). If you follow my blog, you will notice that Frances is a frequent presence on this site. She was also a guest speaker for one of my earlier podcast episodes.
This one morning, I was talking to her about angry energy, and she helped me to realize that just like many other emotions and energy, it is really, a tool. Harnessed in the right way, anger can push you to do many things you would not have had the guts to do otherwise. Now some of these might be destructive decisions, and that’s where anger management comes in.
I have fallen to that many times, and probably will again. I’ve been so angry that relationships have been ruptured for good, bridges have been burned, and collateral damage abounded. I realized though that if I just channel this wave of nuclear energy in myself into a creative project, then it usually turns out to be something rather cool! For example, I was so angry over a case of possible corrupted board members that I sat down and wrote a WHOLE MUSICAL in 24 hours. This includes 11 scenes and the lyrics to 5 new songs for the musical. Some say I was kissed by a muse. Well, I know the muse was anger.
The musical is called Bobo Lee, inspired by the life of my grandmother. I had written two posts about her for Chinese New Year celebrations this year. Ever since then, I have been thinking to develop it into a stage musical. I imagine this will take about 3 years of preparation to stage. This consideration includes riding out the Covid-19 pandemic. I do want it to be a live theatrical experience for everyone. In the meanwhile, if you are curious about the results of my angry muse, you can visit Bobo Lee Musical on Instagram.
Good evening ladies and gentlemen, my name is Airin Efferin, your friendly host for tonight’s yet another Zoom session. In the context of The Last Five Years production though, I am your UNFRIENDLIEST MEANEST BITCHIEST co-producer. While we wait for some people to enter, let me show you this picture.
This was the table read in 27 February 2021. A table read is the first time the whole cast and crew go through the script from beginning to end. This table read was done via zoom, just like now, and so this production is truly a pandemic production. It was concepted, designed, executed, filmed, and streamed during the coronavirus pandemic.
For all the people involved in this production, from volunteers to severely underpaid workers, think about that for a moment. You created an awesome show during one of the most challenging times of human history. It’s easy to create when times are good. It’s not easy to create in hardship. And yet, that’s what all of you did.
So I hope you are sitting straight and feeling real proud of yourselves, because look what you did – look what we did. I hope that some years down the road, whenever you’re feeling stumped or blocked or like you want to give up, just remind yourselves about this project. Remind yourself that you were a part of something that at first seemed truly impossible. Something that created history (at least, musical theatre history – in Indonesia ) and remember that you CAN.
If you can do this, who knows what else you will be able to do.
This producer speech was written for the online premiere of The Last Five Years (June – July 2021).Streaming tickets are still available now at Kiostix. Support us by buying and watching online!
Here we go, another one of my #metoo stories. It makes me so angry, and yet by this time I’m so calloused to it. Isn’t it horrible? This time, I was groped at work. Well, my kind of work which is fundraising for the arts.
I was having a dinner meeting with a well-known patron of the arts in Jakarta. I presented a proposal on behalf of the Bandung Philharmonic, and he was talking about a festival he was interested to fund. After dinner, he offered me a ride back to where I was staying in Jakarta (in an artist residence in the well-known Senopati area). I agreed.
Inside the car, he sat in front next to the driver, and I sat in the back. There was a traffic jam, so what should have been a 5-minute ride turned out to be a nightmare 25-minute ride. It was a nightmare because, during the ride, he leaned his arm back and groped my thighs. I couldn’t believe it. I pushed his hand away. He put his hand back with more force. I pushed it away again. I almost considered getting out of the car right then and there, which I should have done. Why the HELL was the driver silent in all of this?
I stayed in the car, and he did not grope me anymore. But when he dropped me off in front of the artist residency, he tried to kiss me right then and there. I moved away from him, panicked that he would try anything further on the street. I wondered why the satpam took so long in opening the door.
He said, “Look, how about a threesome then?” and rattled off some huge name artists in Jakarta that he would invite to have a threesome with me. I was so upset. Luckily the satpam came out then and opened the door. I hurried inside.
The next day I directly told some other important patrons, so there would be witnesses if I ever decided to report. Who am I kidding? I know he is too powerful for me to take down without proper evidence. Fine. But I have my cards. And I will always keep them for when the time is right-when the ground swells with all the other women I know he has harassed.
When that time comes, I’ll be playing my cards for sure.
Hi working professionals! Do you ever get into situations where your client or boss tends to be very enthusiastic and run overtime for a meeting? I know from my experiences this happens a lot, especially when the clients are also friends or people you have known for a long time.
I run meetings of all sizes, from one on one to board meetings with 15+ people, even to attending meetings that will just go on and on (usually with the Indonesian government). Here are my tips to make sure your meetings end on time.
Tips to End Meetings On Time
State clearly at the beginning of the meeting how much time you have, so everyone knows the expectations. “I have about half an hour (or an hour) for this meeting, and I have something scheduled after which really needs me. I hope that’s alright.”
Have an agenda and state the agenda in the beginning, about the same time you state how much time you have. It’s always good to be clear about the goals of the meeting. “The goal of this meeting is to decide on our marketing focus for this month.”
In the course of the meeting, if you see that the problem is much deeper than as first diagnosed, and you will need more than the agreed time, then I would advise to still end the meeting on time while setting up another time soon to carry on the discussion. Don’t make a habit of letting calls or meetings run longer than agreed, or else it will continue to be that way.
Tricks Which Always Work
In places like Indonesia where it’s considered extremely rude to interrupt someone older, then it can be difficult to safeguard your time. Here is a little trick that Oky and I used, and I later taught it to Cung. Use your spouse as a cover-up. Oky eventually learned to tell his client that he had to pick me up-although that might not always have been the case. Cung would say, “I have to make sure Airin is OK in the house by herself.”
I would say something like “I have to start preparing food, or I have to get ready for a date night with Cung.” It works like a charm all the time. This little trick is meant to let other people know that you have other responsibilities in life and that you must prioritize or get to them.
If you’re not married, you can always use your parents’ as a cover-up. “I have to go call my father.” “I have to go help my mother run an errand.”
The last part is what might be the hardest: you have to stick to it. You must leave at the time you said you needed to go. Follow through. That way people will appreciate your time-and their own time! In the next meetings, they will adhere to that habit. Successful people treat each other’s time with respect.
There are my tips and tricks, I hope your meetings can be managed effectively and productively!
I recently opened a TikTok account, to the great chagrin of my husband. Tiktok‘s platform is great in offering people easy access to creating awesome 1-minute clip videos. However, I drive him nuts whenever I’m editing the videos. There are only so many times that he can listen to a K-pop jingle.
Many people have said that TikTok is the fastest growing social media. Its algorithm is still quite good in comparison to other older platforms like Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, or Pinterest (you name them, I have them). Especially in the case of Facebook and Instagram where it’s now a “pay to get” platform – you have to pay to get followers, likes, comments, etc.
In the space of about two weeks, these 2 viral videos boosted my followers by an additional 300. That’s a huge lot!
However, I learned that with the coveted popularity comes the rot: hate speech. I won’t show them here because it will trigger all kinds of angry emotions. Instead I will share a few survival skills to implement in dealing with hate speech on social media.
Tips to Deal with the Hate Speech
First: Disengage. When the hate comments are pouring in (and sometimes you’ll get like 10 hate comments in 1 hour) it can be overwhelming. Disengage. Get off the app, let the algorithm play out, and you go take a rest or take a walk or do something else. I also did some box breathing so I didn’t panic. Only check back on the platform when you’re ready to take action to filter the comments.
Second: depending on how you want your channel to be, you can either filter and block the comments, reply to disagree or call out the hater, or simply let it be and see what happens. I did a mix of first and third. Some of the comments were so offensive I right away blocked the user and reported them to TikTok. I left the other comments which I thought were borderline but had a trace of a valid argument. Lo and behold, some people stepped up and started defending and speaking for me, which was so nice of them. I supported my defenders by liking their comments, and adding them as friends while ignoring the hating users.
Third: use it to your advantage. After the video cools down in its virality, and I’m much more in control of my emotions, I take a look at some of the arguments happening, screenshot it, and use it as content material on other platforms. My goal in doing this is to educate social media users to take a more active approach towards hate comments if they come across them. I want to encourage people to defend and speak up for users who are being bullied.
The saddest thing about all of this is that hate speech is not just an online problem. It is also pervasive in our everyday lives. Learning how to deal with hateful comments and then using them as educational material to your advantage is being proactive, smart, and a responsible citizen of the internet.
Have you encountered hate speech on social media? How do you deal with it?