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Financial Freedom for Women

Everyone covets this. And if you’re not thinking about it, you should be, starting right now. It’s not about being greedy, it’s not about being ambitious, it’s about being self-sufficient and independent in this century. Interestingly, women think much less about financial freedom than men. Obviously, traditional gender roles in society play into this, but ladies hear me: DON’T FALL INTO THIS TRAP.

Don’t think that you’ll be safe as long as you have a husband that can support you, or as long as you have your parents’ wealth waiting as inheritance, or as long as you have a son that can work hard and will pay for you when you get old. If this is the case for you and your husband, father, son, are kind to you, then you are VERY LUCKY. You are not the norm. Statistically, there are much more women that are being abused by the men in their lives, and this includes financial abuse.

You can only get out of abusive relationships if you have your own money.

It’s a long haul towards financial freedom and independence, but it’s not impossible. There are women all around the world that have achieved financial security and are now supporting their families instead of being supported by them.

So how would you start on your journey of financial freedom?

  1. Make a habit of writing down all your expenses and income. Track everything very clearly, so you know exactly what you spend money on, why you are spending that money, and in turn where your money is coming from.
  2. Once you are in the habit of tracking your money, then see if there is a way for you to spend less and start saving more. Say you get an allowance from your husband every month. Can you open a separate bank account and save 20% of this routinely?
  3. If your expenses are so tight that everything is already essential, then try to look for opportunities to pick up another source of side income. Can you pick up a part-time job somewhere? It can be anything. There are all kinds of opportunities for those willing to learn and work hard. When you have secured a part-time additional income, then save that money away religiously.
  4. After you have to build a sizable enough savings from your side income, then start looking for ways to grow that pot of money. Money sitting in your bank account will only depreciate in value, so this is now the time to spend it! But spend it with the goal of more returns in mind. How? Stocks are a great place to start. Deposits in trusted co-ops are also good options. Or take some courses on entrepreneurship and small business, and start your own small business.

Of course, all of this is easy for me to write. In reality, it needs the discipline to write down all your finances. You need self-management to be able to curb expenditure and save more. You need the courage to look for a side job and to do it and be good at it. After all of that, you need to be able to take risks in spending the money. No, none of this is easy.

But take it from me, someone who started my journey of financial freedom 3 years ago: it’s worth it.

Nothing tastes as sweet as independence.

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Signs of Emotionally Abusive Relationships

Emotional abuse can occur in dating, family, or even work relationships. If you are not aware of the signs, sometimes it is hard to tell when you are being emotionally abused by a lover, parent/sibling, friend, or colleague. It happens more often than you might think, and its very likely that you will come across emotionally abusive people several times in your life.

Emotionally abusive people are usually after dominance and control-of you, of the group, or of the project. Often abusers are active substance addicts or have disorders such as psychopath, pathological narcissist, or borderline personality disorder. First impressions of them can be great, as they are able to be very sweet and accommodative at the beginning. In fact, they can come across as too charming or too good to be true.

I have experienced being in emotionally abusive relationships, so this is a sign I have learned to look out for.

In fact, they can come across as too charming or too good to be true.

What are some other signs?

  1. I was constantly unsure of myself. Did I say the right thing, do the right thing? Would he/she be angry at this text and ignore me, or would he/she forgive me and carry on?
  2. I was always so exhausted. I felt drained emotionally, mentally, and physically. Sleeping held no relief, instead it made me more tired because there were constant nightmares.
  3. I took no joy in my accomplishments. On the contrary, I felt guilty for outshining the partner/colleague/friend.
  4. I felt so powerless. As if there was nothing I could do to change the situation, and I had to either accept it, or leave.
  5. I spent more money than I should have, because I wanted to make the other person happy.
  6. My world got smaller and smaller and smaller. All other relationships were considered a threat to the current one.
  7. The consequences of my mistakes were amplified and used as a tool to punish me. It was my fault things went awry. I was the one who messed things up.
  8. I did not feel comfortable being near them. In fact, I was afraid that at any moment they could blow up and physically hurt me, or someone else around them.

What should I do if I am in an emotionally abusive relationship?

If you think you are in an abusive relationship, I heavily suggest seeing a therapist or talking about it with a trusted adult. Neutral third party observations can help you see things from a different perspective. Create boundaries, build a support network for yourself, make an exit plan, and get the heck out. Don’t hang in there because you think you can fix the person, or because you love the person, or because you owe them your successes. Don’t try to understand or justify their actions.

This is easy to say, and I know from experience these actions can be incredibly difficult to do. Try to be brave for yourself, and take the first step: talk about it. As Fred Rogers said: “Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable.”

“Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable.”

Fred Rogers

Remember that you deserve an amazing relationship, and an amazing life!

Featured image photographed by Chameera Laknath during Southeast Asia Leadership Academy January 2019 in Hanoi, Vietnam.

To read more on emotionally abusive relationships, visit this article from Health Line. If you need a reminder of your worth, visit our core beliefs.